Even though it's the barest of bare minimums in terms of God's mission for the poor, I still managed to find ways to have a less-than-pure attitude when I would accompany my house church group to homeless shelters to serve meals. There's not always enough chocolate cake, for one thing, so whoever's on "cake duty" has to have the sort of personality that can withstand nudging and cajoling from a few of the more assertive guests who want an extra piece - preferably someone who can wither somebody into a prune-like object with eye contact alone, like Rasputin, or my aunt. I, on the other hand, am incapable of intimidating even small woodland mammals. In fact, I'm so extremely sensitive, I apologize for all human contact. I'm sorry if I brush against you on the train, or if my foot touches yours for any reason, or might have touched yours - or maybe a table leg (better safe than sorry!). I'm really the last person you want standing between hungry people and chocolate cake.

For some reason, I wound up on cake duty more often than not, while other people got to portion out spoonfuls from an endless, overflowing supply of peas. For the record, most guests were great to interact with, but it didn't take many pushers and cajolers to start wearing down my already thin skin, and occasionally inappropriate Republican thoughts would break out.

I think I look very dashing in a plastic apron.

I don't know what a bootstrap is, exactly, but that's how I imagine it.

Some nights, there would be more cajolers than usual, and eventually my attitude would fester until it came to a head later that night, like some big, festering, coming-to-a-head thing.

Fortunately only that one wall got burned down.

Most nouns can be made 35% funnier (to me) by adding "of Justice" to the end of them.

I'd like to think I'm getting better at understanding gratitude and mercy, but it's still an uphill climb. Yay for grace, right?

"He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get?" - Jesus, from the Sermon on the Mount

Hi, I'm Chris, and I grew up in an evangelical church. That means we talked a whole lot about evangelism, but very seldom, if ever, did any evangelism. Oh, sure, there was the occasional weird kid who had no qualms talking to people about absolutely anything - but we weren't entirely convinced he wasn't driving more people away than bringing people in. This is what we told ourselves, at any rate. So we were totally happy to do some evangelism just any old time, provided we knew it was going to turn out all right, and also provided there was no risk whatsoever of embarrassment or confrontation or any discomfort whatsoever, and also provided MythBusters was not on.

Thus, even though I am from an evangelical background and still consider myself somehow evangelical (I think?), my principal contribution to the world of spreading the Gospel has largely, even until this day, consisted of feeling extra guilty and uncomfortable in social situations.

It sort of looks like he's about to have a bodily function, doesn't it?

It's nice to meet you, too.

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